The Madonna-Whore Complex and “The Ayesha Curry” Experience PART 1
MAY 26, 2020
The Madonna -Whore Complex
It's taken me 2 decades to really see this Madonna-Whore dichotomy play out not just in my own life but in others lives as well.
Ayesha Curry was in the news lately due to her ignorant online commentary.
She is somewhat notorious for being picked on in the media for being a “Pick Me". She is the classic the “Good Girl" that did everything “Right" and yet after slut shaming women who show off their bodies. A few years later here she is…
“showing off her body”.
Why does she need male attention she is “happily married with children “ ??
Simply because being married and provided for financially has nothing to do with BEING SEXUALLY DESIRED,
and being SEXUALLY DESIRED IS NATURAL!!!
But if you pay attention to The Currys strange and unnatural, but “normalized” dynamic, its very clear that they arent Ciara and Russell “in love"
but I supposed I can give a little back story before I dive deeper into this.
I ,too was born and "raised" as a "Good Christian Girl" similarly to how Ayesha Curry was raised to be. THE MADONNA. The "Pure" "Virgin" who wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend let alone have sex.
“Saving herself for marriage"
I was raised to be the same way. The “Ayesha Currys” were the “prize" at Church and all the girls were socially conditioned by my private school, my peers, and parents to be very conservative, prim and proper. To "Follow all the Rules".
We weren’t "allowed" to be "Sexy" "Free" or "Liberated" women.
We were ONLY "allowed" to be like that
"When I got Married".
So for me, that became the goal.
Marriage.
So what happened?
Well I became "Boy Crazy". And wanted to get married ASAP….
so I could FUCK.🤷🏾♀️
I became possessed with a unquenchable sexual appetite that only a "Husband" was allowed to satisfy.
So hunted and "Pick Me'd" myself into falling in love way too fast and way too soon with anyone cute enough, who made my pussy lips twitch-
but OF COURSE....
I was a sweet good old Christian gal. Who wasn't allowed to even THINK this way, so it was considered it "butterflies" or "sugary tingles".
Because girls like me weren't allowed to have sexual feelings or sexual thoughts, only ROMANTIC aspirations.
Boyfriends where cool but one could only really pop that pussy on a Husband Dick and I was yet to have one.
I thought I would marry my high school sweetheart- because I was simply in a rush to be "committed " to dick on call.
It was never about the person attached to it per se, because I simply just wanted to have someone who could consistently keep up with my sexual desires. But in typical “Light Skin Nigga Tendencies” I male I decided I liked- sensed this “Husband desperation“ and He weaponzed this *desperation* to practice Pimp Psychology and Spiritual Love Binding Warfare on my innocent mind, in a attempt to “Break a Bitch“, but I digress,
People complain about starting and ending relationships the gag about "starting over" in relationships isn't the "emotional connection" or "trust" it was the
"Can he adore me AND fuck me anytime, anywhere with no limits?"
"How long will it take for him to fall in love so we can F U C K??"
If I was "married" my husband would "HAVE" to fulfill all my sexual desires.
Right?
Unfortunately...no.
When I think back on my life I laugh because it all has lead up to moment. This article and this revelation.
3 years ago when I was happily engaged and having great sex consistently I thought I finally had my life together!
I mean I was doing EVERYTHING
"Right" Right?
Soon I was pregnant and "we" were expanding our family. We seemed so utterly happy with life.
Fast forward, over the course of 3 years, my ex fiance was the most abusive narcissistic asshole I have ever met. Aside from him, mentally, emotionally, financially and psychologically, abusing me AND our child. What damaged me THE MOST (aside from the PTSD)
was the Sexual Rejection and Repression.
I had never in my LIFE been with anyone who rejected me sexually - except him. He would make me look like a complete fool for having sexual desires HE didn't initiate.
He wanted to be in control, he wanted to use me and then discard me, not fulfill me. (I later found out he was actually GAY and on the DL)
Our sexual life got corrupted by drugs ,secrets, lies and then cheating ( My BD was going to Diddy Parties)
He tried to hide these things from me. But HIS DICK would reveal the truth.
"Why aren't you coming?"
"Whats wrong with you?"
Words someone as freaky as me thought I would NEVER EVER have ask.
I SPENT MY teens and 20’s obessed with marriage as much as I was obsessed with sex itself
Because marriage was such a passion, I made sure I did my due diligence in making sure I would NEVER have a "boring" union.
Sexual satisfaction in women's relationships is notorious for "not being a big deal"
FOR ME however Sex was EVERYTHING.
I'm sexually insatiable and I've been sexually repressed for decades. I FINALLY got my "man" and now he is telling me
"HE DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT"!?!
I dunno maybe I'm the asshole who can't accept no 🤷🏾♀️
Maybe I wasn't understanding our roles and dynamics in the relationship but I was under the impression that as a "Good Wife " I should be fucking and suckin and lovin my man whenever he wants
AND VICE VERSA
What happened to EQUALITY!?
WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS!?
Not only did those experiences with him hurt my ego, my feelings and damage my self esteem, but my "endless " sexual passion flizzed out like a candle blown out by a puff of air.
It took me YEARS to get my ravenous sexual appetite back.
After I had my daughter, my relationship was DONE, and the psychological abuse he inflicted on me, (intentionally) to program me at my most vulnerable, to believe I was “damaged goods” and now I should be HUMBLE.
I didn’t believe that though, and his attempts at Pimp psychology and sex dominational warfare were mostly unsuccessful- and if you know anything about Warlocks- they take GREAT OFFENSE to “their love/sex magick NOT WORKING“ (No I did not know he was a warlock at the time.)
Soon after I was being physically assualted by him (He tried to suffocate me to death) and then tricked into giving his parents "temporary guardianship" of my child. Just for then to disappear for 15 months- WITH MY BABY.
During my time I was completely alienated from her, the ONLY safe place I had to HEAL and keep pushing forward.... was surprise surprise-
The Sex Industry.
The pain of having my child kidnapped, the only place I could go where there were no children- was The Strip Clubs and Bars.
Sensual hypnotic dance saved MY LIFE.
Literally.
Stripping, Bellydance, Burlesque, and free dancing made me come back from the Death of desperation, depression and suicidal thoughts...and BACK INTO MY BODY.
BACK INTO MY CREATIVE FORCE AS A WOMAN.
Dance swept away all of the misery and doubt I had about my own sexual competence and revitalized my entire Spirit.
Dance gave me HOPE.
When I Dance...when I CREATE MOVEMENT with my body, there is nothing in this world more sacred than that.
Even without "Love"
Without "marriage "
without “Sex“
EVEN without my own child-
I found JOY I found BLISS in
movement, In my own sexual creative force.
My Shakti
My sensuality, my body, my ability to pump blood and make dicks stand erect and make pussies throb,
THAT
Saved my very LIFE.
No Male Validation needed.
A whole new meaning of "Kundalini Rising".
This sexual creative force
Awakened me on spiritual levels I never knew before
because before this,
"Awakening of Motherhood"
I was so focused on DICK in the past hat I didn't realize the POWER was from and within Me the entire time.
The MYTHS they sell us as young girls, to be "Pure" and "innocent" and "save ourselves" just so we REJECT our sexuality and sensuality and The Ability to bring Men and Others TO THEIR KNEES- was "Bad"
And "Only Hoes" do this or that.
That Marriage and chasity was THE ONLY RESPECTABLE way for a happy fulfilling life.
But the reality- at least for me
*This is MY TRUTH*
🛑That shit is not My Path. 🛑
First of all I have NEVER "fit In" in this world.
The "normal" things were NEVER my Things and not because I didn't want them, I totally wanted to fit in most of my life!
But I just wasn't made to "fit in".
No matter what I did to fit in, and "be normal"
I stood out,
no matter how I would try to hide my deep sexuality, some could smell it on me. I was the "innocent" girl who brought out THE WORST in people- especially MEN.
I could NEVER hide my sex appeal and because I wasnt properly taught how to utilize it or master it, men would come to take advantage of my naivety.
Something about me made married men In particular SUDDENLY have the courage to "leave their wives" or risk it just for a SAMPLE of the sexual energy that I "had to offer"- because their BODIES could SENSE the energy and healing my body could provide- even if I wasn’t aware of My powers at that time.
This negatively effected me because Everytime I was romantically disillusioned, it was a suddenly revealed to me that it was Married Men showing me all the passion romance and chasing that all the fairytale books prime "naive women" into believing is real.
Telling us to be "so cool"
"So chill" that we have no boundaries or common sense.
Sexually repressing us so we can EASILY be dickmatized and Submissive to whoever is wielding the "Magic Wand".
The Penis. The Dick.
The Phallus.
The Exception however are
"The Hoes" the "Trashy" the "Nasty".
The freely Sexual Woman who OWNS the word Hoe, Heaux, and Whore like a Superpower.
The ones who also had the Rose Colored Glasses of Patriarchy, and Misogyny beaten, slapped, ABUSED right off of their faces,
And for many of us... right after child birth.
Each child not always- but usually enough -for it to be COMMON PRACTICE that, during or after pregnancy The Man is STEPPING OUT.
Once the reality of being a parent settles in our Beloved Fiances and Husband's suddenly realize they have a lot more fucking to do before they "settle down".
and they “sacrifice“ Our sanity, trust, love, and CONFIDENCE in the process-
The Systematic FARMING/ABUSE of Womens bodies, and then discarding us like trash at our most “needy“ for reassurance.
And it is the worst feeling, knowing he did all of this ON PURPOSE- to harvest your spirit- your energy and - MAKE YOU (domination magick) Dependent on him. This is how MEN have been socialized and TRAINED to “break a woman“ by weaponizing pimp psychology and domination tactics.
Now *suddenly* you are no longer "sexy" no longer "desirable" .
even if it’s not true- he does it and says hurtful things TO HUMBLE YOU.
Married or not you are now “USED GOODS”.
The POWER DYNAMIC SHIFTS.
But “Good Christian Girls“ dont know shit about power dynamics- so they get go everytime, like lambs for the slaughter.
He loves you but he "respects you" to much to fuck you properly.
"He respects you too much"
So he cheats on you all the time-
never mind the fact, he likely GAY, and only got you pregnant to HUMBLE you to begin with, or like some warlocks like to do- get a wife and have a bunch of children to cover up the fact he is a gay man with intentions of trafficking or pimping out his own children to his friends or fraternity brothers.
- but sssshhhh thats secret society talk- and well its not a secret if you know about that part now is it?
Even at your best and sexiest outfits He just "can't get it up"
now your "The Holy Mother" of his child and you MUST BE A VIRGIN.
Both of you are sexually frustrated but you can't say that.... so he cheats and USUALLY he has made you so comfortable and DEPENDENT on him that you can't do shit about it even if you wanted to, so you start falling into a deep depression. You start gaining more weight, or dropping it, feeling more and more ugly, Haggard and constricted, then you statrt lashing out, geting verbal revenge on him- just for him to stay out with his “bros“ even longer-
he was gay the whole time,, but in denial and you were The trophy wife who suddenly has DESIRES and NEEDS?!
Then the gaslighting starts
The emotional abuse...
The financial abuse
The fighting
The screaming...
A MESS.
All because Men and women have been sold pipe dreams and told lies on how a relationship, or marriage is supposed to work. Only for you to be 4 children deep into a commit you LITERALLY didn't have all the facts to.
"LongSuffering" isn't a virtue, it's SLAVERY. Its just cute because it's supposed to come with a ring. And bragging rights that you "have a man"
Now don't get me wrong, I totally believe marriage is useful and has its place, as unorthodox as I am, I am strangely Traditional.
Marriage it is a ART FORM and there is a code of conduct that comes with it that most women honestly don't know about, and that's why the shit usually doesn't work out long term
.
Luckily their are courses and Wife Schools that can have you settled into the loving marriage or relationship of your dreams...
HOWEVER for an ALTERNATIVE woman like me, who has spent my life in the past TRYING to live up to Ayesha Curry levels of "properness".
I refuse to live sexually repressed anymore, because sexual repression makes you a EASIER TARGET for assault and rape.
its EASIER for love magick and sex magick to be effective if you have “gone without“ for long periods of time.
The right man come along and says the right thing- hugs you the right way- your body is reacting before you are!
Sexual repression is not natural for women or healthy but where can a girl find some good non toxic dick that doesn’t involve full psychology warfare or domination magick by a bored vampyric warlock?
I deserve some ME TIME.
I deserve to be selfish with MY JOY AND not place my sexually appetite on any man, or any one man.
Becoming a mother and "losing my sexiness" made me realize how much Sex and Sensuality is apart of my NATURE, my Character and my personality and I NEED IT and it IS NOT dependent on MENS APPROVAL OR VALIDATION.
I called myself a Heaux and got shamed for it (What else is new?)
But the reality is a woman with sexual depths such as this will never be acceptable under the "Good girl trope".
I have always been the "Good Bad Girl". Just last year I realized most of the women I admire were covert "Whores" 🙃😂😂😂
Ooops!
Throughout my life, I would see these beautiful women I asipred to be like....
Sexy as hell and looking like they have their shit together- even sometimes pushing a stroller.
That FINE ASS WOMAN whose phone stayed busy. That "BOSS BITCH" That "Glam Model" that "Hoe" that "Stripper"
That "Sex Worker" she didn't NEED anyone but she was always being cared for, provided for , adored And protected and more importantly-
SHE WAS FREE TO DO, BE, AND FUCK Whoever she wanted.
That was always who I was meant to be, in my own way.
F R E E and loved.
But how can someone love me if I'm not REAL about who I am as a person? Especially with a sexual appetite like this!?
I have blindsided way too many lovers-
But as Heaux, as Percieved HARLOT-
I MAKE THE RULES on how I am treated. And if someone doesn't comply they get dismissed.
So I suppose as women we all have choices, I'm not saying any choice is better than the other either,
I think the paths of The Madonna and The Whore are BOTH valid paths of fulfillment that honestly depend on the NATURE of you as a person.
I've always been a free spirit I've always been both. And as of right now, I am going to do whatever I want to do that makes me happy and I advise you to do the same.
But if you have judgements ,assumptions etc, you can keep them to yourself because until you are paying some bills around here-what you say doesn't really matter does it?
I'm an Free of those old mental programs that no longer serve me... including SEX SHAME.
The Divine Feminine Sexuality has been with me since I was 3 years old... when I was prematurely exposed to porn.😬🙃
When I was in my late teens, I finally had my first orgasm on Easter Sunday.
Me and God have always had a deep connection😏
Sex- For Me- though frowned upon by the Masses-
has been NOTHING but Divine and Holy, and
I'm never going to be ashamed of it again. 🥂✨
but finding someone who wants to MUTUALLY worship each other seems to a different story all together…..
This article was inspired by Dee, creator of https://tuesdayemerald.square.site/ check out her website and show her love!
The was written May 26, 2020, By me, inspired by Ayesha Curry’s Pick Me antics, on Twitter but this was NOT about Ayesha Curry as I DO NOT KNOW HER - This was about MY OWN EXPERIENCE and observations of MALE BEHAVIOR AND ANTICS THEY *collectively* use/ WEAPONIZE on WOMEN all over the globe as a form of SYSTEMATIC PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE AND SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE- I was using Ayesha’s tweets as a REFERENCE to illustrate MY POINT IT was not a INTENTIONAL PSYCHIC READING ON HER OR HER PERSONAL LIFE- but The goofy spoiled brat took it that way and instead of simply emailing me about it asking me to take it down she decided to weaponize her multiracial light skinned RICH GIRL privledge’s , and Occult, Masonic, Satanic, Military, governmental, Medical and Financial and CRIMMINAL family connections to TARGET me and my family, hired spiritual mercenaries and even NINJAS to attempt to target, bully torture and traffick me and kill me for “exposing her“ by accident (because I didn’t realize I was THAT Psychic at the time of the article ) and I spent most of this year having Death magick thrown at me and MY CHILD EVERY DAY because Now some International/Intergalactic Organization/Scientists/Aliens have been USING ME and MY CHILD AS A EXPERIMENT (WITHOUT MY CONSENT) because they don’t understand why I am not dead yet, and why folks can’t kill me and now I’m famous, because everyone involved and their friends keep dying and Have the worlds “Greatest“ (ahem ARROGANT!) Minds kerfuffled because THEY are really pressed I have all this power and I am a NOT a White Skinned Light eyed Female or Male.
Racism/ and Colorism is a mental Illness that seems to have affected the minds of “the worlds greatest minds and mages“ which should be DEEPLY concerning to ALL OF HUMANITY since DARK SKINNED PEOPLE OF ALL RACES are the worlds MAJORITY!
But it is pretty ON BRAND that a bunch of arrogant “God isn’t real“ Hopeless basicas, really bellieved that lie, and that honestly explains why they have money and resources to masterbate to space time continuum, Time travel, Wars, and AI, and cloning but STILL havent solved global world hunger with their greed.
but they want ME to… HELP them?
VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY Strange indeed.
So Anyway Now its September 30, 2024- and her basic bitch antics have her family, friends and hired help all haunted, sick, obessed and going extinct and The one who can “save them“ ( ME and My Wealth and Riches of Spirituality and Supernatural ability)
and I have YET to receive My Financial Compensation that makes me want to **magically** forget any of this even happened, and I COULD sue her and her family funded Team, but I am a Native and I can invoke The Law of Blood at my leisure. Attempts on MY LIFE through FAILED attempts are still attempts…So I’m still deciding which Court of Justice I’m going to Use , The Court of Law or Law of Blood, or Spiritual Law, soooo many options, so many choices, I dunno I am a Libra maybe all of them heehee But so far Her Bloodline Deletion may win out. I’ll sleep on it.
“The Ayesha Curry Experience PART 2: Being Targeted by Most Notorious Insecure Pick Me Chick of The Millennium “
Coming Soon? We’ll See.
( You need to use all that technology and hackers to hack into depositing $ 2924 Billion Dollars ( $2 Billion Dollars PER DAY since MAY 26, 2020)- to (whenever you give me my money so far its 2924 Billion Dollars USD ). into my bank account- to make all This go away and for me to feel compelled to delete all mention of your mentally delayed vampyre princess, and MK Ultra off my platforms and inspire me to ask My Spirit Friends to Stop blessing you all with new Ancestors for such cruelty AND disrespect ON MY OWN ANCESTORAL LANDS, over the past few YEARS ,and I can pretend nothing is wrong with this world and country.
AND I want yall to leave me and my kind ALONE unless you are alive to support My Mission/Business to get the healing you need to stop being such racist power hungry assholes- when really you just need a good punch in the face, and someone to love you.)
:)