Leo Lessons

Lion King type shit

My dad’s birthday is August 7.

If you have ever read any of the posts years ago about him, you would know that his is a violent abuser. As a teen my dad would violently assault me often and for any reason. (it would take me decades to realize his rage was hated, AND sexual frustration smdh) He would violently beat me with a belt or with his fists, choke me, or punch me in my face and body until he was exhausted... He would verbally attack me calling me a “stupid bitch” “ugly whore” etc. or whatever slur or something offensive and on and on. I quickly understood when he called me a “dumb slut“ when I was a virgin and never even had a boyfriend or lover before- that he simply HATED WOMEN and wanted to “let off steam“ by violently assaulting me.

He made it a point I always tell me how ugly I was and try to destroy my self-esteem in any way he knew. He and my mother both fully abused me as a teenager and those wounds… those wounds still ache sometimes. But not from the memories of them, but from the people I have manifested in my own life who are exactly like the parents I had as a teen.

It took work but I have been able to heal from all of those experiences. So when I come across others who have been beaten or bullied by a lover or relative- its not that I don’t literally understand, but I overcome those emotional “triggers“ and it hard for me to emotionally connect- with emotions that dont even belong to me, but when I explain this to clients- I have mixed results- some are triggered and irritated I don’t just listen to their tragic stories over and over- I feel for them , but are you just wanting to truama bond or do you want to HEAL THIS and move on to better?!

I have learned self-love, self-care, setting boundaries and frankly just having standards of how I allow people to communicate with me. And it was because of the abuse I endured as a kid. I was listening to Tony Robbins clips from YouTube, a long time ago, and he said something that really accelerated my healing and really solidified my healing.

He said this basically-

 “If you are going to blame someone, (ei a parent) If you are going to blame your father for being a shitty dad, you should, you have every right to, but you better blame him for ALL OF IT! Everyone has good and bad, no one is just completely and utterly horrible so if you are going to blame him for all the bullshit you better blame him for all the great shit he did as well.”

Shit had me shook!

But it is so true and here at this place- this is where true healing can happen.

My dad yeah, he was horrible father he did some really fucked up things, but just as horrible, violent, angry and abusive as he was, I cannot sit here and act as if it wasn’t for all of that bs I have endured I would be the person I am today! I am someone I love with all of my might. I am someone who is proud to look at myself in the mirror and love every single fucking “flaw” and imperfection about myself. I am strong, resilient and literally can overcome any obstacle. And I owe all that shit to my Abusive /Amazing Father!

Aside from his abuse and anger issues, my dad was The Best Dad.

He was a Leo, full of fire and blazingly passionately about life, opportunities and protecting/ building his family. He had been in many different religions and spirituality. But when I was a teen he was Muslim and taught me how to pray and not play around during prayer time. He was the first person to teach me that Prayer time was sacred. It was a ritual and honor, to pray. And we would always pray as a family. It was beautiful.

My dad was also the one who introduced me to other cultures. He introduced me to Bruce lee and Martial Arts and ramen. At the time my dad was broke but he made it fun! 10 cent ramen noodles were cool because in our Asian movies or anime we would watch the characters would eat it too! I got into anime, because of my dad and I’ve almost otaku over it ever since. I wanted to be a manga-ka most of my life. My dad was a rapper, and strongly encouraged me to be an artist and follow my passions. He taught me about money, finance, and the importance of assets vs. liabilities. He taught me that in every trial there is an opportunity, like when his house got robbed.

He wanted to start a business after reading Think and Grow Rich so for weeks he was trying on opening up a barbershop of his own. The one day he gets robbed of all of his music studio equipment he had at his place. Luckily he had insurance so he got paid back from all the things stolen and it was exactly the amount he needed to put a down payment on his new barbershop. He introduced me into The Secret and The Law of Attraction. Things like that happen daily to many people, but when I have seen the Law of Attraction in action so many times, my own life and in other people’s I cannot, not believe it. It is a fact.

My dad had me watching “conspiracy” Theory videos and documentaries from very young age- my view and outlook on the world was very different from my peers- especially going to a Christian private school, mentally no on understood what I knew or what I was going through at home. They all were extremely sheltered and spoiled people I could not really relate to. My dad was crazy about the movie The Matrix, and to this day is one of my favorites because it still accurately describes the state of mind most people are still in, The Matrix. Lol

Because of my dad I not only woke the fuck up from the illusions of the world, but I also had permission to be creatively myself. He encouraged me to seek Truth not matter where it was, if it was maybe in another religion- go search, if it is in another part of the world, go look. Don’t let family, blood, or anything get in the way. My dad had some amazing qualities and I have some amazing connections through him, but he was flawed.

He was abusive. But it taught me that, all because someone is flawed or imperfect doesn’t mean everything out of their mouth was bullshit and not The Truth. Gandhi, was extremely racist, classist and sexist yet his message of peace still holds weight.

 Martin Luther King was a cheating man and unfaithful husband, and since he was in love with a white woman, he literally had to marry a black woman, just to save face for his movement to have a certain effect on the people.

But aside from that he was leading a peaceful revolution of unity until he realized that focusing on racial divide was just a ploy by The powers that be, to divide the WORKING CLASS from coming together- no matter skin color- and the government killed him. People think it’s a conspiracy theory that the government killed him, which is sad because his family sued the Government and won the case against it- so its not a myth or uncommon. All because something isn’t on the news doesn’t mean it isn’t true, accurate or real.  But just the same, all because something is on the news, or the radio or the tv doesn’t mean it’s accurate or true.  (Honestly, if it’s on the news, it’s intentional to get a certain reaction, so it is likely completely fake at most or completely over exaggerated at LEAST)

All these men were flawed but all these men had amazing revolutions and movements. My dad was flawed but he beat me enough to make me realize, I am unbeatable. He tried everything to destroy me, but made me realize, I cannot be destroyed. My own father constantly called me ugly and instead of believing him, I decided I was The most beautiful.

I mean yeah he fucked up MASSIVE- but…What human being is perfect? Who hasn’t failed? My father had his own demons, and trauma to battle through. My dad also came from some fucked up life situations and some abuse that, dare I say- WORSE THAN MINE! It doesn’t give him justification- but it’s about understanding. I don’t blame him anymore because I don’t need to and also because IN MY STORY, in my life, everything happens FOR ME not to me, If I am the main character in my story, everything he did was to make me into the creature I am now. How can I really be upset or hurt by something that ended up being the greatest gifts?

I have been through so much pain and heartbreak and because of that I am able to see other people’s pains and show them how to help themselves from it. I am able to teach liberation to others because I liberated myself. When narcissistic ex fooled me into having an entire relationship and child with him and then decided to act like the greatest evil I have ever met, as heartbreaking and hurtful as it all is, do you really REALLY, think that would destroy me?

 I honestly, never been through so much pain, LOL  But, you know what?  I GOT OVER IT. Because at the end of the day ALL STURGGLES ARE WORKING TO BENEFIT ME !

I am immune to punches, I eat abuse for breakfast, I drink the tears of my haters and I bathe in the curses of my enemies, and I drink their blood. I season my food with all salt from jealous bitches tears, I rub the blood of their heartbreak all over my body to moisturize my skin from the vitality. I listen to insults like music, to motivate me to stay on track with my goals. Yeah, I go through shit, yeah, I’m sensitive as fuck, yeah, I still open my heart, Yeah, I still feel hurt and I cry, I get depressed and fall apart, sometimes I even want to take my own life, but you know what else I do?

I overcome all that shit, because I OVERCOME EVERYTHING. I am a Phoenix, I cannot be destroyed.

And also as horribly  amazing my “daddy” is

He damn sure ain’t raise no Bitch.

So when I come across Other Leos or other people in general I don’t judge them, but I damn sure don’t compare myself to people who cant even heal from their issues, and I dont even respect people who don’t even TRY to heal and recover.

You are a coward, if you run amuck like a mindless demon because you’re on your hurt “Sasuke Era“-

I’m just like- nigga, we have all been hurt, we have all been abused and tortured by SOMETHING or SOMEONE- but how do you have MORE than me but are doing so much less?

How do you have money, wealth, family, a car, a home, been on vacation before , experience life of luxury- and you think because “you’ve suffered“ or caught a disease or took a life, or steal etc, that -

that means it’s the end for you?

You’re a coward and a bitch to think you the only damaged motherfucka around here, who has done, or experienced fucked up shit due to a myriad of reasons- but you ALWAYS have had the choice to be FUCKING FORREAL, or keep lying to yourself about why you do what you do.

At some point you gotta grow the fuck up, and I’m sick of coming across all these “adults“ in “Authority“ who have the mentality of a 10 yr old CHILD who never uprooted the traumatizing BULLSHIT that happened to them, yeah I’m geniunely sorry that happened to you, but are you gonna stay stuck on a dead situation- or are you gonna hunt down a new way to live life?

I’m over bitch niggas and insecure harlots judging me for seeing them like the broken CHILDREN they act like, do you want the MEDICINE or do you want to stay sick?!

Worrying about me having a large social media following is irrelevant as hell ! BITCH DO YOU WANT TO HEAL OR STAY HURT AND BROKEN!?!